slow burn

this week has been so exhausting, only got about 4 or 5 hours of sleep, and its starting to wear me out, really want to get away for a while, so looking forward to this vacation that i'm going to have. just keep my finger crossed that nothing will come between me and my 'get away' vacation

System Restart

Feels like i've been living a different life, being a differnt person. I've been allowing my heart to tell me what to do, following faithfully everything my heart told me to do, and it has bought me to places i've never thought i will be, feelings i've never thought i will have. All this time, although there are ups and downs, plus and minus, just glad that i know there is someone there to stay with me whenever and wherever.

P.S. guest staring: Toast

no worries

Hey, Big sis and 2 sis, sorry to make you two worry. I know in life, there are always problems, it just how we look at it and how we handle it that matters. Maybe life without problems will only make us take things for granted. i'm glad about what i have now and i'll face whatever it is with my head up to keep it.

P.S. jeremy, sorry for lending hin hin's funny face. He is a much BIGGER boy now. He is so full of energy.

small

why we always seems so small when we needed to be big? knowing the person i care is sad, and today i seat in this park by myself for like two hours, all i can realize is that i really don't know what to do or say to make things easier, better or happier. feel so f**king small and my mind is f**king me up again, great timing...

complicated

these couple of months have been fantastic, been through a big change, made some big decisions and as the story goes, the plot should be 'happy ever after', and of course that is fairy tale. I want things to be as simple and clear and predictable as possible, but life is complicated, blurred and unpredictable. And that's why i live so unconfortably in this world. It seems like you can never get out of your past, that in some sense, the past has always has some consequences affecting the present. Just when i think the future is clear and bright, there is always 'the past' that pulling us back, make you worried, make you questioned and i hate myself for feeling the way i feel. I don't need this, i don't want this and i didn't asked for this. But again, this is me. And welcome to my world.

past

There is a saying that says 'If you dig into the past, all you find is dirt' or somein' like that, and it's just so true. But we, man are stupid breed, we can't help asked about the past, look into the past and we pushed ourselves into the corner, to whereever we don't wanna be, and then we felt depressed. Why dig into the past? it's no good man, never is...

Big Talk

Another Saturday afternoon after work, an usual day for an average person, it may also mean the world to someone else. An soothing mocha, an relaxing cafe, chill out atmosphere, big talk, great conversations, an memorable day.

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah! the long waited Jordan 4 retro! No second thought, bring it home!

Day One

As much as i 'wanted', school started. Last year, i have 'winnie the pooh', this year, it didn't get any better but at least it didn't get worst, just a bunch of talkative boys and a couple of very 'slooooooooooow writers'. whenever i turned and write stuff on the blackboard, this annoying noise of whispering starts and when i turned around, it stops!!!! like i've turned off the volume. It just makes you feel annoyed and seems like you are going crazy. as for those sloooooooooooooow writers, it really is nothing, they just need like, half an hour to write about twenty words, so......i guess it's fine........a great year is about to come! i am so looking forward!

This is the end...This is the start...

Exactly one day left before the new school term starts, glad to have this last day off and just chill. i have great hope for this coming year, it feels great to be crystal clear about the road ahead. at this point of my life, i can't say i have all the 'questions' figured out but at least i think i am back on track now. promise i'll walk my path wisely :-)

start

Only one week left before the new school term starts, it's been quite a year and its time to get things started. my goal for this year is to dedicate more to my work, its my second year in this 'new' job, so the privilege of being 'the small potato' is over, anyway i guess it's time to be more focus on work for a better future, quite a cliche, ha...?

time is up

i look at the time and suddenly realize that time is almost up, this very short summer holiday is coming to an end... seems like haven't really taken a break, since i have been going through a lot of changes. i am glad that i have make some very important decisions and no matter what will happen in the future, at least i can look in the mirror and face myself that i have no regrets, i am man enough to face my feelings!

let go

as we become more and more mature in our life, we become less able to let go. we become scare of every little shit we encounter, we scare of this, we scare of that. we become less strong enough than we used to. we scare of change. we scare of losing things. we scare of never finding the next best thing. but again, it's not brave if you are not scared.

p.s. thanks +ve. your my man! i know only true friends are man enough to tell me the truth. to tell me i am being an asshole if i keep hiding away from my feelings. to ask me to be man enough to face my problems. thanks man!

time

its been quite a while... during all this time i have been trying to let myself really take it seriously to think about what happened, what i need, what went wrong. and i come to realize that it really isn't about right or wrong. its all about time. something didn't happen, words haven't said, but when it happened, it's already years too late. a heart haven't beat for years and it has forget how to beat. just hope that from now on we all know how to cherish the things we want, don't ever let yourself know what u've got until its gone.

i've spent a year to let myself to finally move on, the time is hard but it had made me grow as a man.

bounce

i know i have let the people who care about me worried. especially mum. i know u realize all i can eat this week can't even equal what i eat in a day sometimes. but people who really know me should also know i am a man who can keep his promise. i know i have been to very dark places, now i am under the sun shine.To family and friends:

IF I SAID I WILL BOUNCE, I WILL BOUNCE! STRAIGHT BACK UP! :-)

the battle is over...

i guess the battle within myself is finally over, thanks for every one of you who have stayed with me, accept me as i am and allow me to be true to myself, thanks :-) i will move on!

it's not brave if you are not scared

we always want to make the best, the flawless decision ever, now i know it's a never, we always make mistakes, we were, we are and we shall be, what i think is more important now is to be true to our feelings. i am never good at this and i usually just put it all inside. i have take a big step to let my feelings out today. we don't know what will happen next, no one can promise but at least i have try, i have make my effort. i can live with the consequences. It's not brave if you are not scared.

it's hot!

today is a ridiculously hot day. if i went out and run i don't think i can make it back home in one piece. So i stayed home instead and started my weigh training. 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups in ten settings and finish up with 6.6 lbs weigh training, 50 times on each arm. when i finish, i could barely bend my arms for a while, but i still haven't use up all the food reserve in my body as this is the third day straight i don't feel like eating already. whatever. at the end, a double yakult on rocks.

wish

alive

went running after work. the sun is bright. my mental self is trying to take over my phiscial self. couldn't swallow anything down the whole day, all i have is milk tea after milk tea. the only thing that keeps me sane. energy level is really low. once i start ruuning, stomach hurts, head hurts, can't breathe. suck all the pain and run as hard as i can. the pain keeps me at the edge, helps me concentrate. hear my heavy heartbeat, know i'm still very much alive. win a battle, lose a war.

frustrated

thought i was walking away from the dark and all of a sudden, i find myself walking into another dark corner. when is this mind game going to end? am i always going be haunted by past memories? am i my worst demon? so frustrated ... so not supposed to be...

happy

Finally, i am feeling much better, can't describe how i did it but ... i did it. I know good things don't always happen and i just hope i didn't took things for granted and i'll cherish what i've got. I am going to remember this day, the tenth of April, two thousands and six, 'the day i can be happy about :-)'

old friends

Going through some of the very old CDs in my collection and rediscovered them... E-17's resurrection and Alanis's jagged little pill. I bought 'resurrection' for almost ten years now but every time i listen to it, it still give me that groove i need. And i love 'ironic' in 'jagged little pill' so much.

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you, When you think everything's okay and everything's going right, And life has a funny way of helping you out when, You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face,

A traffic jam when you're already late, A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break, It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife, It's meeting the man of my dreams, And then meeting his beautiful wife, And isn't it ironic...don't you think...

the sky is about to fall...

Can't sleep very well these couple of nights, even when i'm alseep, i'm half awake. Last night, i decided not to force myself into sleep and so i played video games till the morning came, i slept and when i wake up, it's already 4:00 in the afternoon. Since it seems sunny outside, i quickly put on my running gear, bring my ipod and rushed outside. The weather was really bad, it's not sunny but it's hot, it's not rainy but it's wet. The sky is about to fall. I sweat even more that usual because of the weather, i haven't stop even my sweat is blurring my eyes. But when i stopped the feeling was good, it feels like all the emotions, the uncertainty are out of my system... at least for a while.

So i was exhausted and i just picked a DVD, grab some food on this Sunday night.

sweat or spent

In order to stop me from thinking, to take away my mind, it's either sweat or spent. As you can see, today i choose to spent...tons of snacks, books, cap, jeans...