let go

used to believe that in a relationship, you need to give each other space, to breathe, to do those things you like to do on your own, to have a certain freedom is what i believe love should bring. and that proved me wrong and it hurts. still. then, i come to believed that care for the one as much as you can, do everything together, share everything together, be hornest and be true. but you may can't breathe. am i have to learn to let go, again?

demon days

still serving my time as an infected, my mind is messed up. can't think straight, can't sleep, can't wake, can't talk, can't eat, can't relax, can't know why.

how often do you find the right person

its the first time in years that i really don't want to be sick, not that i am used to beg for any sickness. Not that i am the most important person on earth, but i have responsibilities and i don't want the people who looked up to me to be disappointed. although i have been extra careful about my health, i am still down. The medicine have keeep me in bed every four hours, so i am pretty much in bed all the time, i am really sad because there are things i should have said or done, but i haven't. because i am inconsious.
Saw this trailer of the movie 'once', really into the message it brings. 'how often do you find the right person...once'

27th April,2007

to tell the truth, it is a day i have been looking forward to, a day when good things are supposed to happen. Instead its the complete opposite, emotional issues, mum's accident, lesson observation, work, it just has been a big emotional down fall. it's not that i am not strong enough to handle them, it's just a feeling that it all happens to happen right after the 27th, am i bad luck? what have i done to deserve all these? i have been trying to rest, but i am even more stressed up. it's been a while since i have a peaceful mind, and i know i am going to need that, to keep me back on track or i am about to fall apart. Does anyone have a good suggestion?

hard to swallow

these few days feel like weeks long. had a few plans of my own in the weekend but didn't work out, actually its not that a big deal, it's just i am a person with "ZERO" EQ, so it just takes me more time than a regular person to cool down. What gets me the most in the week is that mum is hurt. when u see the one you love gets hurt, the pain is just as much emotionally as phsically. i always believes what goes up must comes down, so i never wish things to be too good, too smooth, too happy, never too big, too small, just like it to be regular, simple, no complications, no spider-webs.

p.s. to mum: wish you good health, get well soon, love you with every beat of my heart.
p.s.s. thanks for sticking around the whole time every step of the way, it means a lot to me!